Sure, the Dodge YMCA at 225 Atlantic Ave. is a great place to work out, swim and take those INSANE urban rebounding classes, but it’s also an amazing family resource. Whether your kids join in on classes (like sports, swimming, karate, drama and storytelling), go to Childwatch for babysitting or just come to hang out with pals and shoot some hoops, there’s no doubt it’s something the community can’t do without. And to help parents deal with some heavy subjects during this back-to-school time, they are offering practical advice for a “bully-free” year. “Bullying is when one person chooses to make another person feel bad, humiliated, or physically intimidated,” says Wheaton Griffin, Executive Director, New York YMCA Camp “And bullying can take many different forms. It can be behavioral—where the bully says he’s going to beat another child up or take his or her lunch money. But there can also be very subtle social and emotional forms of bullying including getting one’s friends to snub another child, making sure a child can’t sit with a certain group at lunch, or telling jokes about a child that he or she isn’t in on.” Here’s his suggestions on deflating a bully’s threat:
1) Boost inner confidence: The victim’s feelings play a very important part in the bully cycle, so it’s important to boost the self-esteem of children so they become less vulnerable to bullying. “Building a child’s social confidence so they are immune to getting picked on by others for things that mark them as different—such as the color of their hair, their height, or the way they talk—is invaluable,” says Wheaton.

2) Offer support: When children are picked on they can oftentimes blame themselves. Some children worry if they tell an authority figure they’ll be considered cowardly or that the bully’s threats and negative behavior will escalate. “It’s important to reinforce a child’s bravery for speaking up and let them know it’s okay to seek help when they’re feeling threatened” Wheaton explains. “Relate your own experiences, remind him or her that almost everyone gets bullied at some point in life, and emphasize that it’s the bully who is at fault.”

3) Know your school’s policy: Wheaton recommends parents investigate anti-bullying policies at their children’s schools and talk to school teachers, counselors, and social workers about the institution’s value system. “It’s important for parents to know their children’s rights, and how the system protects them. Parents can become advocates for change in policy where one does not exist, or where it is not being followed or supported.”

4) Practice the buddy system: One of the best things and most subtle things parents can do for a vulnerable child is to find a way to pair him or her with a friend who is respected and well-liked so the child will immediately gain a measure of social acceptance.

5) Ignore the bully: “Bullies crave attention and respect,” says Wheaton. “Sometimes the most defusing thing a child can do to a bully is simply walk away.”

6) Make ‘em laugh: If a situation escalates, humor and reverse psychology can go a long way toward neutering a bully’s threats. Turning a bully’s insults on their head (e.g., “I sure am small, but I pack a powerful calculator!”) can help quickly deflate threatening situations.

7) Enlist group strength: There is strength in numbers: If the bully’s threats escalate to physical confrontation and intimidation, enlist groups of others to shield the child from the bully. Stand three or four deep in the hallway and school bus, and have friends save a spot for the child at the cafeteria table, etc.

8 )Stand up to the bully: “It doesn’t work in every case, but sometimes standing tall is all it takes to bring a confrontation to a peaceful conclusion,” Wheaton suggests. “When a child firmly says ‘No, I’m not giving you my lunch money! It’s not yours!’ sometimes projecting that confidence is enough to get a bully to back away.”

9) Co-opt the bully: Parents, role models, and peers can try to approach the bully with kindness, and engender positive expectations for the child. “‘We know you’re strong, we know you’re a leader, but you’re going about demonstrating that in the wrong way,’ is a very powerful message for a child to hear,” Wheaton suggests. “Remember that bullies are looking for attention and recognition. Identifying things they’re good at and finding outlets for them to put their energy can sometimes re-focus school bullies into more constructive leaders.”

10. Keep engaged at the Y!: “Bullying often happens when kids aren’t positively engaged,” Wheaton explains. “The Y provides a safe, nurturing, and stimulating environment for kids and teens to enjoy afterschool programs year-round.”